COASTLINE, GEORGIA – A new contender has joined the NCAA to swim against the boldest large manly looking females, and this one swears they are legit.
Jodie Naughtflipper, described as “Totally Human,” and identifying as Female, is promising to give Liam a run for her money.
Naughtflipper, accused recently as not being as human as claimed, said “Real Humans are Human,” and insisted that she is in fact a real Human. Not a cetacean.
She was asked for a blood test and called it bigoted and rejected the idea she had any genetic traits that would give her a greater advantage from birth.
“Eh, eh eh eh eh, eeeh, eh!” she shouted, as her manager claimed it meant, “I have two legs you intolerant bastards.”
LOSTWAGES, NV – In a surprising turn at a poker game in Nevada, a man with a huge winning streak turned his luck around, refusing to take the winning move.
“I will not, I will not do it,” he yells, holding the trump cards, “I will not platform that man!,” he continues losing the final round of the shoot out, losing 10 Million Dollars.
“It was principle,” I had to lose said Terry David Swanson, “I hate that man,” for if I am not TDS, he said being a man who likes being called by his initials. TDS said he opposed Trump in every way, to the point of saying the spending bill wasn’t Omnibus Enough. “He left out spending Transexual Dancing Schools!” “He’s purely Transphobic,” said the man, storming out of the Casino.
CHELSEY, NEWYORK, NY – In a rush to follow trends, publisher’s all over are trying to keep current with needs of every day Public School concerns. “We were once concerned about Writing, Reading, and Math,” said Sam Kloehn of Childbater’s Publishing, “Now we it’s changed, how could you know any of that before basic sexual hygiene.”
Childbater is renowned for many of it’s books ranging from Blue’s Pool Party to Bi Curious George Accepts Candy. Yet most recently rebooted and updated book, “How To Button” with “Paddington Bear.”
“They say we are grooming Children,” said Kloehn, “This is totally not true, we are just encouraging young boys be fine with wanting to have sex with other grown men.”
He insists they had to update them to meet up with Government demands for Public School materials.
“How To Button,” won the Amsterdam School Award.
HERSHEY, PENN – Hershey, being excited by it’s new ad campaign, announced on every International Women’s Day, from 2023 on, their will be a Cross Dressing Pride Parade.
“We need to stand for the pronouns,” said Hershey spokesman Rocky Piles, “Every year on this day we will hold an annual Parade on the Hershey Highway, to celebrate Cross Dressers!”
Hershey Highway, a colorful nickname for E. Chocolate Avenue, a street that runs through Hershey, Pennsylvania.
This announcement precedes another announcement regarding their new WNBA team.
They’ll say to expect many people and also plenty of lingerie for young boys, to identify with women.
“From this day forward, it will be Sissy Day at Hershey’s” ended Piles’ glorious speech.
SOMESPYNEST, USA, MAYBECANADA – In a horror and outrage, Youtuber, Brittany Venti was seen shouting a woman for wearing revealing clothes, which exposed her ankle.
“How could you,” she yelled, breaking glass everywhere, “Your a whore!”
Ranting for hours on end out a window, when seeing the provocative display.
By the end of her ranting a raving, she later calmed down, while moving toward a metal box in which she continued the rant.
The presumption is the metal box could communicate to this woman.
Many words were to commence: Slut, Bitch, and Prostitute continued.
EASTPALESTINE, OH – After concerns of a toxic explosion on the tracks, concerns grew about water being poisoned became widely known. Not far, a group of kind people from Flint Michigan showed up, offering aide, in loo of cleaner water.
The kindness caused tears, and chilled bones.
“This is a wonder to behold,” said Notah Agent near the tracks, who identified himself as, “in know way are we taking anything through here to be construed as being something of a intel agency’s doing.”
While not asked any of this, HuffGlu was happy to be detoured away from the tracks and given a strange metal box.
The rest of this article is embargoed for no reason at all.
IMSWITCH, ENG – In a leak to the internet busy bodies, a designer showed off his new TARDIS design. “The inside of a Mirror Ball” he announced in a note with the graphic attached.
This accompanied with a hint a title of first episode of the new Doc, “Piles of Men,” followed by a dark view with glows blue.
In addition it was announced that it will be primarily sponsored by Ben Gay Hemorrhoids Cream and will include a robot cat named Grindar.
Some say it’s a pit on the nose. Some say not. Some say click thumbs up on the video.
MARICOPACOUNTY, AZ – The vote counters are in, the parties involved are watching over it, and left in the front is the bus that brought them.
The bus is wonder Bruhass 4 cylandar equipped the most up to date engine, electrical system, and of course special helmets. Less not forget sporks and drink boxes.
Specially padded seats were even used to make sure these very special counters make it in, so eventually Arizona citizens know who their next Governor will be.
On a Bus Driver’s note pad read, “promised McDonalds if good,” so ice cream will come later no doubt.
The floors were black, with special grip rubber and of course oceans of saliva.
Clearly they were excited to have this opportunity, and so are we to finally find out what the hell the result is.
FT MEADE, MD – Shabaduh ote emorack shouted, Biden in one of latest impassioned speeches and ice cream truck stops as he wandered around ranting in a way, that if were any normal person, would seem like village idiot behavior wandered into a contour area of what they called a “unified field,” landing him into a “black lodge” where he continued his rant about “emoracks.”
“Lector oter,” and “oata ote,” he continues, “er emoracks!”
The chair dwelling people starred at him gawking expressions, it appeared they had no clue what he was saying, “eet wooz noot claire.”
“Wooo dah ell wuzz daht!?” were two of many responses to his speech.
It became clear this was not a crowd versed in his Bonanno-esque delivery style and it didn’t play out. No one is sure what he was promoting.
CITY OF VANCOUVER, BC – Monday had a heated debate at a venue picked out by the “Business In Vancouver” periodical where they discussed many topics ranging from Spending your money to Central Planning of how to spend your money.
All the Candidates agreed on the extrication of funds to “more central panning.”
Suddenly by the end of the discussion, all Candidates fell to a massive back pain, due to a heavy rate of repetitive back patting.
They have been taken to St Paul’s Hospital to recover. All were heavily bruised with damaged Scapula.
SEOUL, KOREA – In a bold move, Warner Brothers and the Cartoon Network, not only announced a progressive take on the Power Puff Girls, yet a whole new story as to how it comes to be.
“Raging lesbians,” yells enthusiastic Warner Executive in Marketing, Rahg Indeep, “They will be raging Lesbians!!!”
in addition, to being Lesbians these barely pubescent girls will have a origin tale where they will actually be trained and, in case of the 4th black on, disciplined by “Him,” now the heroic teacher at Butterfly Academy and Makeup Distribution Centre.
The girls will be trained in everything Lesbian and how to sell beautification products.
It will be ready by Pride Week next year.
Dedicated to June. Thanks for keeping this in my memory.
BUTTERFLYFIELDS, OMAHA – Innovation hits the cosmetic industry as they release a new line in flavored lipstick.
BK Cute Cosmetics announced 3 flavors. The flavors are Black Punishment, Fuzzy Peach Cupcakes, and Ruptured Unripe Cherry.
The Cosmetic Company plans on making it available to a select clientele and delivered to their door.
Spokeswoman Redacted Gandy said it would promote and further women’s rights everywhere, and support after school events for young girls.
Dedicated to June, a lovely girl who inspired this article.
On “Minds+”: https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1412337667802140685?referrer=TheBlackJester
RESTSTOP, HERSHEYHWY, PA – In a recent study of 20 NSA agents with hairy chests and gold chains, obsessed with vaguely Latina women, a staggering discovery was came out.
According to the DNA collected at many popular Vancouver, BC glory holes showed that 100% of such agents had Monkey Pox, and all had some association with a mirror ball.
Theories suggest it gets pulled of the sweat from the dance floor and bounces through the light and static energy caused by the Disco. Spreading it over the freak pile post prance, or it was just the pile.
GREATPILE, IDAHO – Doctors joined together in a conference room in anticipation of a speech from Gold Chain enthusiast, and outgoing top doc of America, Doctor Anthony Fauci.
All eyes and ears were on the stage and a strange sound from the lights. It was to be announced, the latest thing in medical politic.
When hitting the stage, he pronounced “Disco Fever,” a new Variant of Monkey Pox to be the latest concern.
“We must be concerned that all eyes be on the greatest scare ever,” said Fauci, “This being Disco Fever,” who went on proclaiming the need for all those not engaged in group sex be vaccinated.
He left dirty walking away from the stage to a back room, to a huge standing ovation, later followed by another crowd of males.
If your concerned about Disco Fever, know the symptoms include: A desire for shag carpeting, an interest in a careen in espionage, membership in a cult, occasional earring, a need to use a woman’s body to proclaim “not homo,” exposed top front teeth, and possible gold chains with exposed chest hair.
OTTAWA, CA – In a final push toward climate protection, the Canadian Forest Ministry announced it will appoint a Boreal Expert to the Canadian Tundras.
The main focuses of the expert will be trees, ferns and pronouns.
The office will be from a home office in Ottawa and be paid 100,000 to start.
A Prairie Vulkanist is planned for the future.
SANFRANSCHITTER, CA – Activists are piling up after squeezing down on the gas, and refusing to use their breaks. Why, they are protesting breaks. “Breaks stop progress,” say protesters in the Bay Area of California.
Many of the cars are painted in blood and in demands to “ban guns for safety,” and “more abortions now!”
Also a major concern for the crowd is climate change, which they think are caused by people “putting the break down on progress.”
“People will die!” yelled someone hanging out their window.
The momentous protest were inspired by a similar event in Wisconsin not so long ago.
HERSHEY, PA – On the side of the highway, at a rest stop, a Gilead spokesman made a new pronouncement of their product, Descovy. Also known as PrEP.
“We would like to announce a new more powerful protection,” said the Red Rempel, Gilead Spokesman announced, “PrEP M” he named it.
When asked why the latest announcement, he said “Group sex strength was inevitable and we have been listening to our Versatile marketplace.”
The company has stated that any correlations with the latest news about Money Pox is completely coincidental.
It will also be known as Orgy Strength Descovy.
VANCOUVER, BC – For decades it has stood to the awe of the people of the Templeton Dr, Dundas area in East Vancouver. A pothole of another Millennium, once thought of as an Indian Burial Ground, turned out that man just tripped and fell in looking for crack.
It is used by the neighborhood as a waiting pool in the summer, and makes people wonder why they always end up with the same type of fool as Mayor, having never voted.
The Pothole of Templeton, it is called, and it was awarded a Pothole as one of Vancouver’s greatest heritage spots.
“We are proud of this spot, from the era of Mayor Owen, to myself, this Pothole has stood, and it will outlast many more Mayors as well,” said Mayor Kennedy Stewart at the ribbon cutting ceremony.
“I remember when people were nagging me about it decades ago,” said former Mayor Phillip Owen, in tears, “I am sure we all remember telling them, we’d do it, but we’d need to increase taxes.”
WASHINGMONEY, DC – A man gets naked lies on another man naked, moans are heard, video is made, and years later it is released ready for Pornhub. However, that all might be true, but this is totally not gay.
Cawthorn swears “We were acting foolish, and joking,” insisting that Gay sex is the funniest thing ever.
To be fair there was no eye contact, as many gang sex lovers will tell you.
“I swear, me and my buddy were going to submit this video to funny or die,” said Cawthorn, “we had no idea that anal sex could be considered homoerotic.”
Heteroflexible Alpha Male Instructor, Jack Murphy chimed in saying, “Thith ith thuh motht Alpha thing I ever thah,” pointing at the guy on the bottom.
The interview with our stringer and Cawthorn ended in him saying “nohomo,” which only a straight man would say.
VANCOUVER, BC – His name is Earl, he has spent many years with his girlfriend Beth. He says he loves her and is worried a child may get in his way. He has ventured 4 times, since he met her in 2018, to an abortion clinic from her work at a local Strip Club to a North Washington Planned Parenthood.
“It’s my right to choose,” he said, “I have plans for this little lady,” he went on, “it has nothing to do with raising a little rug rat.”
When asked her opinion, she crossed her arms and said, “He loves me.”
“What will I do if she gets pregnant, and I can’t get my girl the abortion I deserve,” Earl said, “I’m a feminist, this procedure is just what she needs.” “Big pharma can keep it’s morning after things.”
When asked why he doesn’t get it done in Vancouver, he Earl responded, “Are you crazy, that’s Canadian health care, I’m not crazy.”
“Listen,” he said, “It’s bad enough I have to stop my car for protesters, many minutes are lost.”
Our stringer had asked him if he’d use Canadian clinics if it became illegal in Washington, “Don’t you know, the supreme court is banning abortion, it’s not like a State will just be able to choose their policies, can’t you read twitter?”
PT. GRIFTUHSUKA, BRITISHCOLUMBIA – Premier John Horgan took a stage, and announced his solution to a huge racialized problem. His solution is a specific database dedicated to racial minorities, something that has never failed.
“We need, uh, as much, ahh, information in ahh, comprehensive database,” said Horgan, “We will, ahh, collect this datahhh, and perhaps discover everything we, ahh, need to know.”
When asked why registering all the info on as many minorities as possible was so important, Horgan said, “We need ahhh solution to ahhh systematic racism, we need a racial database system, it’s ahhh step forward to ahhh final solution of the ahhh racial problem.”
He asserted many concerns about the Racialized Neighborhoods as well, and perhaps it’s a sign that he’s committed to turning red tape into red lines.
BACKTARE, MD – In a riveting Mental Gymnastics Final, with many entries a final three hit the podium, Bronze was Canada’s Bonnie Henry, Silver was American National, Anthony Fauci.
However no one could twist the facts and self justify nonsense quite as brilliant as American newcomer Jack “John Goldman” Murphy.
Fauci won the Silver with an artistic impression over Henry both doing the dance of mask on, mask off, mask on, now four masks routine.
However the total “I am the Alpha Gigachad With A Dildo In My Ass Being Cucked, Yelling At Innocent Women And Selling Alpha Male Classes, But It’s All Your Fault,” routine was Golden. He pranced across the matt giving a rendition of “I made Timcast” and spun a “If you didn’t dig up the video I made public with my signature beard I’d be fine,” and ended with “It’s privately on Chaturbate, it’s deleted, sort of.”
A full 10, Fauci got two 9s, Henry 3. 5 Judges were there.
“We were robbed,” said Coach Dix, regarding Henry, “we were easily a silver, we even stole the same routine.”
Jack thanked Matt from Tinder and went off to watch his wife get gang banged. “Better them than me…eww….girls…” he said.
NEWJONESTOWN, CA – In great expectation millions of Woke Jab Activists traveled to a place outside LA, some call it Culver, to them, New Jonestown.
They traveled from their Vaccine Revival Tents around the world to see Jim Jones’ return, to punish all the wicked lesser classes of filthy. Who breath their air, drink their water, and somehow have a right to vote, speak and all that.
“He who is with the final jab will cometh, it was written in thy Pfizer info package,” said one believer. They all speak of two equal God’s Pfizer and Moderna and the day of reckoning to all “Misogynistic Racist Neo Nazi KKK Translamophobic People,” as they call them, is on it’s way.
The second coming of Jim Jones is the sign of this, they will drink from his cup and enjoy 1000 years of a police state.
OTTAGRAD, ONT – Chrystia Freeland announced that she would fight to maintain the account freezing of H.R Pufnstuf.
“I’ve been after that filthy hippy for decades,” she said, “Now’s my chance, I will not let that degenerate go!”
Freeland insisted that he has been engaging in dangerous chilling and hanging out for decades, and that the terror inflicted is “absolutely an outrage.”
Many have questioned this zeal even casing Marco Mendicino to look at her weird.
In a rare crude outburst Candice Bergen, MP, Acting Conservative Leader asked, “Are you on crack,” on the House floor.
90% of Canadians in a Say Shay Dee/Strawman Poll said “Who the fuck is H.R PufnStuf” and 10% said “Why are you asking me this?”
OTTAGRAD, ONT – What is the best oil with your boot licking? Mink, Cattle Foot Extract or some proprietary blend of natural emulsifiers, conditioners, and moisturizers?
We sat down with six boot licking experts who know their stuff, just so you can make an informed choice.
With a selection of tasting cups we were graced with the presence of Noted Newsman, David Akin; Philly Feminist Writer of Bitch Media, Gwen Snyder; MPs Jenny Kwan and Jagmeet Singh holding his whip as well as Kevin Vuong; and Canadian Lord/Senator Yuen Pau Woo.
“The rarity of BC Mink has made it almost an absolute delicacy,” said Senator Woo, at the start. Jagmeet agreed trying some of the Bonnie Henry reserve. Kwan, repeated Singh’s opinion, but tried nothing. Gwen Snider said the Bickmore Vintage had more body, and that the Emulsifiers and Conditioners used brought in the best nose. Vuong stated that Fiebing’s ’84 was a classic, and had a smooth and somewhat fruity after taste.
Clearly there was a lot of diverse opinions, they, if pressed they could all share a Angelus as a desert oil for special occasions.
Remember these words before you go out to lick some boot, the experts can’t be disagreed with, they really can’t, it’s illegal.
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ATLANTA, GEORGIA – In desperate casting requirements due to Jessica Walter’s death on March 26th 2021, a final decision was made.
Adult Swim’s classic brilliance that led to the recasting of Early Cuyler has inspired FX and carried over to Archer another “Made In Georgia” Sponsored production. “The nuance, energy and tone that Tracy Morgan had brought to Early Cuyler was so brilliant we had to cast him,” said FX’s Casting Consultant Ed Notoan, “it is transformative, you’d have no idea it was Tracy Morgan, his brilliance will certainly transfer to Malory Archer.”
Tracy Morgan put out a release stating, “What ever man, I have a mortgage on a New York City cardboard box to pay off.”
NEWYORK, NY – In create excite, aside from the launch announcements of the “posts” of acceptable speech, Gettr has come out with a special feature to expand on their innovation as the Howard Johnson’s of Social Media.
Jason Miller, in a press statement announced, “We have it, we have worked on it for months, you can now use Dark Mode.”
Many for decades, after using Gab, Minds, Orbysnet they have suffered criticisms of lacking features, especially since Parler added “Edit Post.”
Miller stated that “this should finally shut down our detractors claiming we are featureless for regular every day users.”
LENINTORIA, BC – Adrian Dix, British Columbia Health Minister, set a hat down, to Scientifically pick some new policies for Dr. Bonnie Henry to tell the media.
“I hope she can remember these,” Dix said, jokingly, after dropping a hat of several possible COVID19 Policies.
The press in awe and grateful to finally see the method they use to Scientifically Determine policy.
He put down a hat, poured in several policies, and put on a blind fold. Pulls out three strips of paper.
Oddly enough, they said: “Masks Continue,” “Bars Shut To Vaccinated As Well,” and “Restaurant Limited Unless Serving John Horgan and his Ministers.”
Next policy decision he will pull three more, maybe 4. An Emergency Session, may include an additional hat pull if called for.
To naked eyes, this Science may seem like Magic, however Adrian Dix assured everyone it has passed all Political Science Lab Tests.
ANOTHERPOLE, NP – Tinder Men all over are excited for Christmas, for they say, if your in a proper LTE coverage area and have a penis you might make his list. Whom? But Santa Murphy, naturally.
They say he’ll send you a piece of ass not remotely bothered by the fact he wants nothing to do with his girlfriend but a text.
“So you better man up, you better not cry, because Santa Murphy is coming to town.
He knows when she’s “sleeping,” he knows when she’s getting the icing on her cake.
He’ll hear later if you were bad or good. Santa Murphy is coming to you in her brown.”
They all sing the song, every night of advent thinking of the free coochie they will transmit to with no concerns.
NEWKOREA, WV – In a recent Timcast IRL controversy was roused. When a questions were firing about Jack Murphy, aka John Goldman, in relation to cucking and his “little girls.”
When pressed he cleared the air about his fetish based website article he let out the truth.
“Truth is, I am Thalman King, and I wath trying to write thum new throries of Red Thoe Diaries.” Murphy let out, explaining the Pros discovered recently.
He also insisted that it’s not that he wants to have sex with under age girls, he just needs to think a woman is an under age girl to get aroused.
“It’th completely different,” he lisped.
The master of selling masculinity with the lisp would like to put this behind him. We wish him luck with that.
MUNICH, GERMANY – Olaf Scholz, after being placed as Chancellor, removed what seemed to be a fake face and revealed he was a Krampus all this time.
Desiring the arrest of people dawning Saint Nicholas costumes and plotting declare all naughty and punishable.
Coal for Vaccinated and Spankings for Unvaccinated.
The latter is exempt in Berlin, due to the fact this is their hobby and more of a reward there.
Krampus announced terror in Christmas for all Germans and no family enjoyment anywhere.
“There will be no questioning my policy,” was the only thing said to the press after showing who he was all along.
LUMPYGRAVY, CA – Former Comedy Writer for Letterman, and current bus boy for Lumpy Gravy, Noel Scowell, tweeted a fantastic discovery to launch an investigation on.
This discovery was with, the backing of Mitch McConnell, Senator Rand Paul was engaging in Geoengineering, controlling the weather of the State of Kentucky to drive fear in his state and secure a new term.
Ever wonder what he was Doctor of, it was clearly Mad Sciences. Fauci is laughing now.
Others to jump on this theory is Lou Ferrigno agitator, Mark Ruffalo who agreed he alone had the skill and machinery to pull this off.
Jemele Hill called him a hypocrite over the weather he hand made.
Did Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell scheme to destroy Kentucky with a Weather Control machine? Conjecture says yes.
ROXHAMROAD, QUE – Politicians anxiously awaiting packages at the door can be pleased on new reports over Supply Chain problems limiting effect on their deliveries.
Their nannies, cleaners, and other servants will be delivered on time thanks to eased restrictions at the border. Also some fears they might have capsized and possibly ended up on the shores of Vancouver or under the sea may have been exaggerated.
Some obstructions have occurred, like nosey Rebel News reporters. Other than that the packages have been expedited and are on their way to serve their new masters at low cost, with no need of vaccination, despite being Vitamin D deficient.
“Thank heavens, my kids keep nagging me about this and that, I can’t wait to have them bother our new nanny,” said a politician that wished not to be named.
Some problems did arrive, there where complaints about lost luggage. No matter, the packages are just a little bruised, at worse, and ready for servitude.
NYC, NY – Bill de Blasio, 109th Mayor of New York City, wants it to be clear, yes he is encouraging people use crack, his city’s crack. Also that “I care about the health of people who live self destructively, it’s a safe crackhouse,” he stated.
What was meant by this? Well all crack houses will require evidence of vaccination, and mandatory COVID testing.
All crack pipes will be free, however there will be a plus account for those who are willing to buy the City Government’s finest crystal.
Some critics call this just another way to help the rich crack head, other critics agree Hunter Biden will be getting the full treatment.
Everiman Van Notxi, random person on the street, was on the street praising the City’s expansion in enabling and encouragement of vaccination.
“We need to get people their crack, however it won’t be safe without being sure everyone is vaccinated and tested,” said De Blassio in a ribbon cutting ceremony.
HOWARDSPRINGS, AUS – Some night time footage provided by Claire Lehmann, Patriotic Australian founder of Quillette. Red Book for the “Red Pilled.”
Seems it’s a huge party atmosphere, where no one is being forced or abused.
If you view the photo above, you’ll see a live concert given to those dedicated to National Resilience.
“Sure to some conspiracy theorists it may look like a Video Game screen shot, but that’s just because it’s dark,” said Lehmann.
Australia urges all to obey now, so they don’t have to at some point.
Meanwhile, enjoy the party travelers, even if it’s just traveling 4 blocks and not reporting it to your beckoning smart app.
RESILIENCE, AUS – In an attempt to humanize the events in Australia, namely the totally not concentration camps for national resilience, a new plot, I mean plan has arose.
The New Issue of the Australian Version of the “Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue.”
The issue will cover the hot women of resilience.
Showing all the amenities of hot metal shacks, dirt roads, constant monitoring, armed military guards and of course women posing in bikinis.
“The issue will be a believed,” the Prime Minister Scott Morrison said, “everyone will have to buy it or else.”
The ministerial decree to be made on Dec 10th, 2021.
MADISON, WI – Tony Evers announced that there will be strict measures in place to ensure that the accident at the Christmas Parade never happens again.
It became realized that, for some years now, Retro City Rampage, a game built by Vancouver’s VBlank Entertainment, was being used to teach driving in Wisconsin.
“We will never make this mistake again,” said the Democrat, “As you know Democrats do not understand the differences of real life and Video Games, so we accidentally thought it was designed to teach driving,” Evers said in a speech.
It was recently slowly explained to him in a phone call of an unknown person. Said sources close to the Governor’s Office.
Recently a Wisconsin Prosecutor also confused a Video Game for real life during a high profile trial.
MOUNTAINVIEW, CA – A threat is reported as beaconed from out in Omicron Persei 8. The SETI report laid out that the said alien named Lrrr was, “Enraged and infuriated” that his planet is being associated with the COVID strain.
The threat was treated seriously, due to the fact that science doesn’t recognize that a gender differences can be a Y and X, that 2+2 = 4, and says a flood that happens every few years is due to recent climate changes.
So basically cartoons are real now.
It was however later uncovered that it was all a prank by 4chan, but Left Wingers were to proud to admit they were fooled. Which is just an okay way to be.
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